I love you

The thing I loved most about today….exploring the coast in Makena for our traditional search of “I love you” coral.

Operation recondition mom’s heart (literally) is in effect. Day 1, flew to Maui via first class, United upgraded us for free. What a treat!
Day 2, L got sick again, woke up vomiting. Rested most of the day then went for a drive down to Makena just to see and hear the ocean. Simple, quiet and calm, just what I need.

The recommended plan from my doctor is to recondition my heart and lungs and try to remove stress from my life as much as possible. That means an all encompassing goal to improve mind, body and spirit. No place like Maui for that to occur. I have chosen to take on this assignment and forgo any further tests for now.

This tradition reminds me that love isn’t perfect it’s forgiving and it comes through in the easiest of times and hardest of times, you just have to look for it, be reminded of it and know that it is beautiful when it’s created by the people you love. Love stories don't always look the same and the one you create with your family is the only one that really counts.

Impromptu Serenade

Last night we took our youngest to see an Allergist Specialist that we were referred to by Children's Hospital so I didn't mind driving to this nearby city. After conducting a test on our daughter the physician determined that although the skin test shows no allergy to this particular protein she is most likely allergic to it and is now referring us to Stanford for a second opinion on the results we received from the biopsies. Ugh!!! No conclusive results, lots of tests and still no definitive answers is frustrating to us and her.

After this disappointing appointment we decided to explore the town and take our minds off of the stress we all have been feeling for months, so we found an outside square that had a live concert going on. We were all hungry and decided to get some dinner. Apparently the place we walked into was a restaurant by day and a bar/club by late night but we didn't figure this out until after we had ordered. We enjoyed our dinner and as we reached for the bill the oddest sound of singing penetrated our ear drums. It was Karaoke night!

Twin A loved the idea of this and quickly asked if she could get up and sing a song. At this point there were only about a dozen people in this restaurant/club so we decide to let her try it. She sang off key with a giant smile and feeling quite proud of herself, her song choice, Carrie Underwood's Jesus take the wheel. Well of course twin B wanted to try it too. She sang another Carrie Underwood song off key with a deer in the headlights kind of look. The small but growing audience clapped and cheered for the munchkins.

I'm thinking can we go now? No....because my darling husband decides he is going to get up there and sing to me a song that he has always sang to me throughout the years albeit alone in our room. I'm thinking he would sing a country tune from John Michael Montgomery. The lights go down, he takes the microphone on the stage and within the first few bars of music (think Name That Tune) my heart skips a beat and I realize he is singing me his serenade live in front of this room full of strangers, the song from My Fair Lady, On the Street Where You Live.

After he got off the stage with twins clapping and cheering for him, he walked over to me and gave me a kiss and said, "I love you." Then this woman from the audience came over and hugged me as if she knew me and said, "that was the sweetest thing, you are a lucky woman." I would have to agree.

Growing Pains (Mom & Dad's)

The twins went off to sleep away summer camp last week and while I thought they were still too young for this type of camp we let them convince us they should go and I'm so glad we did. Many girls from their school were planning on attending the camp during the same time and I found comfort in knowing that little fact. We arrived up at camp early not really knowing what to expect. The counselors were ready to help with check in and I needed to talk to the camp nurse about twin B. She was feeling good and the biopsies came back negative so we decided not to keep her home. The nurse was a student nurse with one semester left to graduate. She was young and resembled a Disney Princess determined to be of assistance to me with my "in case of" list.

We wandered over to the cabin that the girls were assigned to. Twin A got her bottom bunk while twin B would be sleeping on a roll away cot in the middle of the room (she didn't seem at all phased by this). We unpacked their duffel's to their appointed area and set off to take some photos. Twin A was ready for us to leave while I was having flashbacks to the first day of Kindergarten and how she couldn't get rid of us fast enough. I wanted to stay and walk around, really I wanted to check in and participate as a camp counselor. I could have a cool name like, Chowder. The counselors all had made up weird names, like Havanna, Somoa and Shark. This however was not in the plan. Goodbye Parents!!!!

Rob and I got home and the house was eerily quiet. We looked around and wondered is this what it's going to be like when they're gone? I reflected on that thought and immediately didn't like that and he being the great guy that he is, put his hands on my face and pulled me in for a kiss and said, "we will always be near them".

Each day I came home I couldn't check the mailbox fast enough. He had already checked, hoping for a letter from camp. I sent mine on Monday but apparently they didn't get them until Friday. Wednesday night we went out with 2 other sets of parents whose kids were at camp with ours. We laughed and drank good wine and had a great time.

Things changed on Thursday. I came home from work to find 3 letters (2 from twin B and 1 from twin A). Twin B was sad that they had not received any letters from home yet and all the other kids were getting mail with candy in it. By the end of letter #2, Rob and I felt so bad that we were trying to figure out how we could get a letter/candy up there before camp was over on Saturday. Late that same night, our answer would come. I received a call from Shark aka: camp nurse that twin B was having symptoms again. She gave her the medicine and told me not to drive up there yet, she would be keeping twin b in the Infirmary with her all night and would call me in the morning. Friday morning she called and said she was feeling better and not to come. Not more then 2 hours later I received another call, she was having more symptoms. I literally got there in one hour, shaving 30 minutes off the drive (there was no traffic but yes I was speeding). I arrived to camp looking for the Infirmary. Hmmm, this looked more like Hansel & Gretel's Cottage with drapery from Dorothy's dress from the Wizard of Oz. Twin b looked wiped out and pale but cozy in the little bed fit for the seven dwarf's. Shark had taken good care of her and now we were going home. Twin A would stay until Saturday and Rob would drive up to get her. I packed up all her things tossing everything into the duffel with no rhyme or reason, just wanted to get out of there and back home. My husband called and asked if we wanted to stop by his office on the way home, twin b was up for it and so we stopped. We had lunch and walked around, she was back to her old self. She really wanted to return to camp as that was the day they were doing something called the Squirrel Swing. We called the camp and they said bring her back. Really?? So one happy camper later, she was back at camp and I was driving home. We would return the next morning to retrieve both girls anyway. Twin b participated in all the events the rest of the day and had the time of her life however later that night, someone gave her sherbet, yes she got sick again and spent her last night back in the Infirmary with Shark.

That said, these little girls said it was the best experience they had ever had and that says a lot. Their friendships grew and new friends were made. When asked what they liked the most....they each said the one on one time with their counselors who really talked and listened to them about what they knew about God, their personal faith and the potential they have to share with others.

Anniversary Surprise

Saturday morning I woke up to a beautiful tray in my bed with coffee in a thermos and 2 dozen red and white roses with a handmade handwritten card that starts with "No one shall separate the hearts joined by God...a threefold cord is not quickly broken" Ecclesiastes 4:12 ....and then it turns into a beautiful love letter to me written by my husband. It was our 11 year wedding anniversary and plans to celebrate the day were moved to the back burner because of what's been going on this past week. We agreed days ago that we would celebrate when things settled down. We had a house full of guests, trying to decide if the girls would make it to camp and I still have more tests that need to be done at the hospital. The lack of hoopla made this gesture all the more sincere and meaningful to me. I can't believe it's been 11 years already. Marriage is a beautiful dance that has it's own rhythm. Sometimes toes are stepped on and sometimes it's pretty graceful and it always looks pretty when you were a nice dress, but what we have learned together is that ripped jeans and tee shirts, dancing barefoot in the kitchen is much more our style. I'm so glad my dance card is filled. I'll take a handwritten love letter over a store bought gift any day.

Children's Hospital

Today started like any other day; took girls to school but this time only one was getting out of the car as my littlest munchkin was having some procedures done at Children's Hospital. Although this is a place you never want to visit, let me just say, if you have to; it's the place you want to be.

Our daughter was treated like a dignitary from another country. The kindness and gentleness of the staff makes something so scary to a child seem like an enjoyable experience. I'm not kidding. First, the place is decorated like Disneyland from the walls, doors and decor to the brightly colored painted walls. We arrived on time but had to wait 2 hours for her procedure to begin. They went out of their way to make her feel like she was in a toy room when really we were in an exam prep room putting on tiger jammies. Two hours flew by and not one complaint from my sweet baby who from birth likes to know what is going on, routine and a plan. We were covered in prayer that's for sure!

We were able to walk her into the OR and I held her hands as she went off to sleep with the watermelon scented mask. Then they put in the IV and administered General Anesthesia. It was so hard to walk out of that room. I'm pretty good at staying strong on command but when the door shut behind me the tears poured down my face.

We went to the waiting room to wait, as I looked around at the other families I couldn't help but wonder what they were going through and why they were there. It's funny how we move by people all day long in our daily lives, people we don't know, but today was different, I stared across the room and prayed for that mother who was sitting there doing the same thing as I was...worrying about her baby.

We are home now and the patient is doing well. Her balloon bouquet and card from her class cheered her right up.

Pink Peonies

The Joy of Pink Peonies:
Each year usually June sometimes May, like our trip to France on Mother’s Day (yes Mother’s Day). I left my kids and selfishly took a trip alone with my husband during that week. Two years ago I took this photo walking through a local flower market in Nice, France on Mother's Day where my husband, realizing how much I missed my girls, bought me a beautiful bouquet of my favorite flowers, pink peonies. They remind me of my children. No two exactly the same, and each one so incredibly beautiful in their own way, from their personalities, character and spiritual gifts to the sound of their laughter. Each one God's magnificant creation and a blessing to me.

I look forward to finding these amazing flowers at my local store every year. I've learned over the years to grab the bunch that are small closed balls vs.the partially opened blooms. Why?? Because I know what will happen over the next few days and I don’t want to miss out on any of it (a parallel in my life right now). I carefully remove some leaves and cut back the stems, arranging them in a vase shaped like a watering can that’s painted like a postcard from France.
I carry them upstairs into our bedroom and place them on my night stand. Each day the buds open up a little more until the room is filled with this incredible fragrance and the magnificent beauty of these flowers. It’s amazing to me just how much joy these flowers bring me. I’m reminded that there is still more to come. Each day I look at them and think; wow! Gorgeous! Then the next day, they are even more spectacular! Really it’s odd, but never the less, this week it’s been a huge blessing to me.

This past week has been one of the worst weeks of my life and that says a lot!
After having an unplanned (well less then 24 hrs planned) Bilateral Heart Catheterization, Pulmonary Function Tests, Ct Scans and in and out of the hospital all week, I’m reminded of the littlest of things in life that matter the most and hold such important meaning to me.

First....right after God, family is the most important thing in my life, and although some people choose to not see it that way, I always will. And ps…just because you may not be blood related; family can also be those you choose to adopt as family, for this little fact, I am grateful. The night I found out I was going in the hospital the next day, I drove straight to my self-adopted Mom’s house and climbed into her bed with her and felt the love of her arms around me telling me it was going to be okay, seems small but it was huge to me.

Second… friends are a gift in my life that humble me with their sincerity and support. My friends that have come and gone in my life are dearly missed and oh how I wished they were still around this past week more then ever. They will always be in my heart even though there is a hole in it, literally.

Third....things could be worse. My flowers are a reminder of simplicity, authenticity, joy and hope. I know every year in some field they will bloom again and find their way to my local store and into my life.